In the words of England rugby captain John Pullin at Lansdowne Road in 1973, ``we may not be very good but at least we turn up.'' Fast forward to the real tennis courts of Prested Hall in 2008 and it was left to Jim Ludden and Richard Dalzell (aka Fatboy and Slim) to preserve the honour of Tonbridge in the Henry Leaf Cup.

     The squad got off to a rocky start when the sublime first pairing of Charles Fuente and David Mills failed to make the line-up because of illness. Tonbridge II suddenly became Tonbridge I and only.

     First up…Malvern, a couple of hard hitters who rather baffled their opposition by stopping in mid-game to whisper sweet tactical nothings to each other. Strategy was obviously the only way they could see themselves past the stern OT challenge. It must have worked. Result: Malvern 8 OTs 1.

     So something for your brave heroes to work on for the next challenge of the Colchester County High School for, er, Girls. They were rather good as it turned out, sisters and with nice legs. Ludden found himself staring more at the opponents than the ball and Dalzell nearly had to call for the doctor when they removed their tracksuit trousers after the knock-up.

     Inspired, the OTs lurched into creaking action, took the second game to square the match 1-1 and raised the prospect of a glorious upset. It was so close that the Vigrass sisters (for it was they) could only edge the contest 8-1. Claire, the younger one, had taken time off from her A-Level studies the week before to win the US Open and was evidently still on a bit of a high.

     All of a sudden, it was time for the Big One as the wizened OTs faced off against the young greyhounds of Hartismere High School for the wooden spoon. Heureusement, one of said greyhounds was only playing his fourth-ever game so he suddenly had the ball belted towards him regularly. OT ruthlessness (but in a nice way) won the day, the good guys triumphed 8-3 and the world was a better place.

     Oh and by the way, the Vigrass girls lost in the final against the two pros at Prested Hall so it was something of a strange tournament. Still, it did mean the OTs finished fourth.

                                      Jim `D'Artagnan' Ludden